The Surprising Favor of Correction in Friendship (Proverbs 28:23)
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Proverbs 28:23
Whoever rebukes a man will afterward find more favor
than he who flatters with his tongue.
Yesterday, we looked at how hidden love and flattery are the opposite of true friendship. And today’s verse builds on that idea and confronts the lie that backs the behavior seen yesterday.
And what lie is that? Well, I mean, let’s be honest – why do we shy away from giving rebuke? Why would we rather display some hidden love and keep our mouths shut? Well, it’s because it’s more comfortable. It’s because most, if not all, of us don’t want confrontation, and we don’t want to damage any relationship. At our core, we’re afraid of breaking the relationship rather than building it up. Picture two parents deciding who will be the good cop and bad cop with a little kid; you never want to be the bad cop delivering bad news.
But the beauty is that when it comes to those in Christ, we have nothing to fear with giving rebuke. It is oil unto their heads. It’s a good thing that, as this verse tells us, often results in more favor with that person than for him who flatters with the tongue, overlooking and neglecting the need for rebuke.
There’s an old quote that says, ‘Few people have the wisdom to like reproofs that would do them good, better than praises that do them hurt.’
At first, flattery seems easier. It avoids conflict and keeps things ‘smooth.’ But in the long run, flattery does more harm than good because it neglects our deepest need: abiding in the Lord, and doing that well. And it cannot be done well without discipline and correction, because we mess up!
So when reproof is done right – done gently, prayerfully, and lovingly – and it’s done toward someone who is a follower of Jesus, be encouraged to know it ends in favor and cements a friendship, rather than breaks it. The wise invite and rejoice in reproof, as we’ll see tomorrow.
But before we get to that tomorrow, let me pose this idea to you this way today:
Imagine you’re sitting in a coffee shop in a full suit in Boston (why not, Boston), waiting for someone from a big company to come interview you. As you wait, you don’t realize it, but you’ve got a giant booger in your nose. The waiter comes by to check on things and has the chance to tell you before your interview.
Would you want him to tell you about your booger? I’m sure you would. I’m sure the waiter would have more favor with you after the fact, would they not? Maybe a bigger tip too.
With that image in mind, if you’d want to know about a booger before a big interview because it affects how others see you and your potential relationship with them, how much more should we desire correction for things that hinder our relationship with God? Our sin might not seem obvious to us, but it’s glaring to those who love us – and their rebuke is a gift that helps us walk closer with Jesus.
We all have blind spots. We all have boogers of sin. That’s why any true Christian should share the heart posture that says:
‘If there is something holding me back from Jesus, I want to know what that is because I want Him at all costs’.
So, let’s reflect on this verse by asking ourselves these questions:
What is it that holds me back from rebuking my brothers and sisters in Christ?
How can I bring that to the Lord?
Let’s pray.
